The thirst for being the focal point—A Human Desire that’s Universal
I, Me, Myself. How important is this “I” for any individual? If we introspect ourselves deep within, somewhere at the core of our hearts I as an individual is honestly the most important being for any of us. And if I may say so, all of us nurture the desire of being the focus of everybody around us. Is this not funny, a mother feels that her child’s life should revolve around her. A wife feels that her husband’s life should revolve around her. A sister feels that her brother’s life should revolve around her. Vice-versa a man feels the same. I should be the most important man in my wife’s life. I should be the most important man in my mother’s life. This if we realize is like a loop.
The big question:
Is this desire of being an apple of everyone’s eye universal? May be yes, may be no. If we look around us, there are innumerable examples of people doing good work and on the face of it, it seems like they are not expecting anything at all. But deep down their hearts there is a desire to be recognized, to be talked about. Can you name any great saint, social worker, teacher who does not want to be recognized? Taking the example of the most noble lady we have all known in recent history is “Mother Teresa’. She did a great job for the humanity and mankind. The world knows that she did not expect any monetary or materialistic gain for the work she did. But, what she certainly did expect is recognition of her work. Person to person the desirability degree may vary, but deep within everyone nurtures this desire. For some it’s highly desirable and for some a little less. Show me someone with no desire at all I would bet on every single possession I have.
Why run away?
To expect to be loved is not wrong. To expect that people make you realize you are important for them is not wrong. It’s better if you graciously and openly admit your desire for being loved, for being wanted. But remember, as everyone is not important for you and not everyone you know is the focus of your life the same principle applies to every individual. An individual cannot be important for everyone he/she knows. Everybody have their own goals, own priorities and your importance falls in line with the way the person has prioritized you.
How to deal in a scenario where people don’t exactly treat you the way you think they should?
There will be situations where one person is really important for us. The person might be one of those set of people who are in the true sense the focus of our lives. But may be the person may not reciprocate with the same intensity & gamut of emotions. Its okay, it’s fine. There are ways to deal with this situation. Talk to the person, try and understand the reason behind this difference of thoughts. Things will work for sure. If not move on, the person was probably not worth it. Reciprocate to them with similar intensity of emotions. Life will be much happier.
How to treat your own-self?
In order to nurture one’s dream of being the focal point of everyone’s life, an individual; needs to give importance to him/her. People would consider a person important and focus of their lives if they hold the same opinion about themselves. No matter what the world thinks, you really need to love your self, respect yourself and give yourself the dignity you think you deserve. If an individual feels himself/herself to be important, success will follow in line. If you give yourself importance, the feeling will be reciprocated accordingly and you would be in a very happy state of mind. But remember, to give due importance to people around yourself as well. The feeling is mutual. It’s like a give and take situation.
Different degrees of expectations
The desire to be recognized, the need to be the focus of everyone’s life varies from one individual to another. There are conglomerates of factors which contribute to this varying degree of desires. A few factors would be:
- Social Environment
- Economic Environment
- Social Status
- Work environment
- Individual Upbringing
- Cultural Background
- Family Background
A public figure, a socialite, a Page 3 personality, an actor, politicians, top management people in corporate, higher authorities in schools & educational institutes will tend to have a higher degree of desire to be felt important and looked upon at. Children will have a higher degree to be pampered and made feel that yes they are important. These are probabilities and observations; the crux of the matter is that, this is largely an individual’s nature and thought process dependent.
How far is this alright?
I am sure with the kind of lifestyles we are having these days and the kind of nuclear family set up, this trend of everybody wanting to be in limelight and being the focus is definitely on a rise. People’s appetite for success and importance is much higher than ever. Most of us, forget where to draw the line. This unending appetite for more and more limelight is leading to a whole lot of social issues like rampant increase in the rate of crime, degrading family values. What was the urge of being recognized is now being replaced by self-obsessed individuals. Before the situation gets from bad to worse, we need to sit back and think where we are heading. There is a fine line between being the focus and being self-obsessed. We all need to understand this and ensure that we do not cross this line.
Take some more time out from our fast paced lives. Spend more quality family time. Revive old traditions of joint family system, respect and gratitude for others and ourselves. These very basic things are the underlying factors for all the problems being faced by society today at large. These need to be addressed soon so that we have a emotionally balanced and healthier place for our kids to live in. What we sow today, is what generation next will reap tomorrow.